9 Signs It May Be Time To Move On
We all have been there. Looking for signs, pondering our relationships, wondering if it’s right, or if this is what we really want. I think it’s natural to occasionally sit back and evaluate the current state of our partnerships. But, before you head for the hills, here are a few signs that might help you make a decision. Not all of these may apply to your current situation, but if even a few of them are here, then it’s definitely time to think about a possible exit strategy.
You feel stuck
It could be financially, it could be emotionally….the feeling of hopelessness can be all consuming. The fear of moving on despite your unhappy feelings is a definite sign that you need to look inward and think about how those feelings and thoughts are affecting your everyday life and plans for the future.
You’ve lost sight of who you are
Maybe you used to play an instrument regularly, maybe you once loved to run and exercise every day or had huge plans for your career. Suddenly you wake up one day, and you don’t even recognize the person you’ve become. Your running shoes have dust bunnies collecting by them and your career has been stagnant for months. This one is a huge deal, it is important that you maintain your sense of self and your own identity. Your partner should also have goals, and hobbies. You should be a support system and encouraging of each other’s goals.
You don’t see a future with him/her
Your mom’s just asked you for the millionth time when you’re going to get married and give her grandchildren, or when will you buy a home….and while these are future plans you desire, you don’t see it happening with your current partner. In fact, going to see a movie next weekend sounds like it may be too committal. If this is the case, cut your losses.
You no longer look forward to time spent together
Remember when every waking moment was spent thinking about how much you can’t wait to see him or her again? All of your plans were pretty much set, you didn’t care where you went or what you did. You just wanted to be with them….Fast forward to now. The weekend is coming and you are struggling to think of any excuse to not have to see them without being obvious that you’re avoiding him or her. In fact, the idea of spending any extended amount of time together is depressing and stressful.
Communication becomes difficult/non-existent
The days of endless texting and long phone calls are a dream…Everything that your partner says or does is no longer cute or endearing, in fact, it’s more like nails down a chalkboard. If you’re feeling like you just want to scream at the sound of their voice, you need to think about where this is going. Communication is a hugely important factor in any relationship and if it’s not something you can overcome, then you’ve got to do them and yourself a favor and move on.
They’re trying to change you, or vice-versa
We all seek to be loved by someone who will be our biggest cheerleaders and support system. At first, we may try to be someone else or do things we think will impress a possible love match, but, ultimately, we are who we are, and if your partner (or you) is having a hard time adjusting to the reality of who you are, then this may not be a future bound relationship.
Trust has been broken/violated in an irreparable way
This includes withholding potentially relationship damaging information from your partner. “What you don’t know won’t hurt you” or “ignorance is bliss” are two statements that are just simply not true. Usually trust being broken in a relationship involves cheating, and If either one of you has broken trust and the other party is having trouble moving past it, or if you just can’t seem to resist the urge to check their phone every time they leave it unattended, or demanding to see their phone to make sure they aren’t hiding anything, then it’s time to evaluate if you like being that person. The same thing goes for the other party. If you’ve had some kind of indiscretion and genuinely have changed the behavior, then you are owed the chance to gain the trust back. If the other party can’t move past it, (within a reasonable time frame, of course) then you may need to move on from the relationship completely.
Lack of effort from one or both of you
She doesn’t text you anymore during the day anymore, you don’t care. He doesn’t ask you what you’re doing this weekend, and you don’t care, in fact, you’re relieved, then this is obviously a red flag. The moment effort stops from one or both parties then you should roll it up. Relationships take work, no matter how long you’ve been together. This is also true if only one of you is putting out an exhausting effort to keep your partner happy.
No more sex
This one speaks for itself….when the thrill is gone, he or she may be gone too. At the end of the day, these signs don’t necessarily mean you need to throw in the towel. What it does say though, is that there may be some work to do. If you have been married a long time or together for only a short time, it can be natural to hit some rough patches. But, before you make any life changes you should make sure the issues are not surmountable, perhaps seek counseling (individually or as a couple). Good luck to everyone out there and LOVE ON!
Guest writer Donni Bricker-Garcia is a certified Dating Coach, Matchmaker and Recruiter.