How To Stop The On Again Off Again Love Game


“I did my best but I guess my best wasn’t good enough cause here we are back where we were before” The lyrics from the smooth James Ingram’s song titled Just Once released in 1981 . The melody is catchy and if you listen to the words James is certainly trying to relay to his sweetie pie how he is all out of ideas when it comes to their relationship. He wants to know if just one time they can figure out what is causing their relationship to always go sideways.

“I want to understand why it always comes back to goodbye” This happens to more couples then most would like to admit. Couples struggle through the on again off again ping pong love game before they decide to finally call it quits. Be it three months, three years or thirty years later they are left with so many unanswered questions about what went wrong. It causes them to either blame the other party or themselves feeling like they are inadequate and hopeless to ever find love.

“Can’t we get ourselves in hand and admit to one another we’re no good without each other” What these couples often failed to realize is their best efforts to try and make the relationship work would never be enough. With all the experiences they have had in their life concerning relationships there was still some missing pieces causing the union to be lopsided. Let’s be honest neither you nor I know everything there is to know about relationships, no one does. Why? Because every person has the capacity within them to choose to be different, changing the dynamics of a relationship entirely.  There are some fundamental truths about relationships and everything else is based on the two people who are in the union together. With different backgrounds and upbringings, spiritual beliefs and values no wonder why couples butt heads with their lovers so much. Disagreeing is not the issue. Everyone disagrees with the one they love at one time or another. It’s how you communicate within those disagreeing times that will make or break the relationship every time.

“Take the best and make it better. Find a way to stay together” We often feel we have enough information about how to conduct successful relationships with others and we decide quickly how we plan to view the relationship and often stick to that ideal, image or experience and never try to veer from that thinking. But what if we did? Learning how to make better choices in our relationships require us to expand beyond what we know and venture out to find solutions to our relationship issues instead of throwing people away as if they matter no more to us. Getting the best from your relationship is work. Just as you bulk up at the gym it’s a personal choice you make for yourself to be different than what you once were.

“Just once…can’t we find a way to finally make it right, make the magic last for more than just one night. I know we could break through it if we could just get to it” James sings his heart out and there is no mistaking his desire to want everything to work out for them. His song left me without resolution. Did they ever get to realize the intimacy longed for? It’s never too late to turn things around when two people make a commitment to go beyond their best self and open their minds to discovering how it can be better. Meaning both people must be willing to grow and expand their knowledge beyond what they currently know.  Visit Dating Mechanics University courses online and increase the understanding and intimacy in your relationship.

Alasha Bennett is a Relationship and Dating Coach and Founder of Dating Mechanics University.