How to Win at the Dating Game


Everyone wants to be a winner. There is so much emphasis on being better than someone else be it a business comparing products and services, sports teams competing for a title, or enemies attempting to conquer. People go through great lengths to train for their triumph because no one wants to be the “loser”.

All of our lives we’ve been told competition is healthy, it’s important to boosting self-confidence, and being superior in strength and intellect gives you more opportunity in life. We’re told it’s our duty to be all we can be. When one wins they are praised and when they lose they are quickly forgotten.  As a result people are conditioned to apply that strategy to every situation in life. What people forget is this way of thinking doesn’t work for everything, especially not for dating and relationships.

You’re probably asking, well why doesn’t it work?

Because it’s a setup for temporary satisfaction and a poor replacement for true happiness.

Now in theory when you win once it should be easy for you to repeat the win because you know what to expect right? Well dating and relationships doesn’t work that way. In fact the premise of the game will always be the same but the dynamics will change because people are unpredictable. So today may be counted as a win but tomorrow can be the total opposite and this is for each person you meet. Just thinking about this process is exhausting, so doing it over and over is physically draining.

The sneaky part about winning is it’s addictive. There’s always another level you must win at or over to feel that high. Singles who crave that high will find themselves jumping in and out relationships looking for the best love they can find. This makes it hard to settle down with someone because of course there’s always somebody who can clean, cook, is more financially fit or can rock your world in the bedroom at a higher skill level then the last person.

So how do you turn that thinking around?

Understand that dating and relationships are a journey. It is about growth as a couple and as an individual.

Grasp the idea that love cannot be thought of in the terms of victory or defeat because when you start out with the attitude of “There is always a better model waiting for me” you treat dating and relationships with disrespect.

Use forward thinking. Instead of reflecting on dating and relationships as a game to win think more about it as an experience to cherish. Reverse selfish intent and focus on two people having the desire to make memories with each other who understand winning is not all there is to life. In fact winning in a relationship is having the wisdom to know you don’t know everything, you will have a bad day, there will be ups and downs, and difficult situations will undoubtedly present themselves. However, love is still the center and showing love will always bring it back to you.

Alasha Bennett is a Relationship and Dating Coach and Founder of Dating Mechanics University